The fear of the unknown

Starting my day just like every regular day when I got a call from Eve; but why must she be calling me this early; it’s just 7am... And then she started yelling happy birthday over the phone, oh my it is my birthday; not that am that surprise but I decided not to pay attention to the date, I did say thanks you but "thank you" in this context means “what the fuck”

 welcome to my world where I fear growing up and the uncertainty that comes with change, Ya unlike every girl/one am not always happy about the addition of the one year thing, Well am not ready to be an adult taking responsibility for my every action especially when I don’t make the best of choice, I really dread adult hood. The fact that I don’t want to grow but each passing day nature forces growth on me; “what the hell! Why don’t I have a choice in this”, I thought life is all about choices, it worse because now I get to make decision that I can’t blame my childish nature on.

Then she continued by saying most of my child hood friends are in town and she wanted us all to do some catching up especially because we haven’t seen after each of us went different direction in pursuit of higher education, according to her “today would just be perfect to celebrate a reunion and my birthday” my heart started racing hearing the word REUNION, the thought of the subject of the discussion that could come up… can I hold up with the pretence that I enjoy their talk about work, the men in their life and advice on how I would cope in my last days in the university which intimidate me, if only she knew how bad I hated meeting old friends; I hated the fact that I had to chip in a lie or two just to have sum ting interesting to say that I get caught up in my web of lies and can’t keep up. I feared the fact that I was 21 and still didn’t figured out what am going to do with my life even more alarming now that this bae decided to remind me that am plus one and they are going to celebrate to mock that.

Being plus one has its effect on me but aside from that, the fear of making mistakes accompanied to choices I make is a never ending phobia that accompany me day by day; The fact that I might not fit the social standard of what the pictures on Instagram tell, I might preach it doesn’t matter but inside me I know it does because my life would be more comforting than being broke, the fear that I might not go home with not too good grade since mom is always bragging about my intellectuals, Perhaps the assumption that making mistakes will lead to some terrible consequence that can’t be corrected or undone, like the monthly fear I entertain; what if I become a mother (fuck! my mom wont forgive me), am afraid that things don’t turn out the way I expect and am going to be judged by it, am afraid that the people who love me will eventually turn their back because I let them down, I fear the fact that am expected to get married to a prince charming… when by now I don’t have a frog to call my own. Not to talk of the thought of being jobless after the BSC chase (well I do find solace in the unemployment situation of the country… lol)

The messages we receive from others, including friends and the media, probably might play a role in this daily struggle of the fear of the unknown the thing is primitive fear instincts are as important for self and choice examining that gets us to a better phase and if we did make some mistakes so be it life is beautiful because it isn’t perfect. The world is such a crazy place and these are things that tie us to our creator; the fear of the unknown I believe make us have faith especially knowing we don’t have the power to change everything.

“I don’t have the world in my hand and its ok not to know tomorrow” that is what I tell myself each time this daily fear creeps in, so for today am wearing a red lips with a pair of heels, keep my glass full and jolly the night away, not every day a person gets to be plus one and benefits from a free party.

intimate partner sexual violence

It's 4:45 in the morning and really I don’t know how to feel- hurt, happy or sorry that I just ended a three-year relationship with a guy that I would say was supposed to be my dream come true. So Sammy is this tall,dark, muscular and handsome guy who charms his way into every girls heart. well he was my dream come true so keeping him meant a lot to me; keeping him for me meant spreading my legs any time he got horny and he always got it when and how he wanted it.... I wouldn’t say my relationship with him was a bad one but I would rather say I haven’t been happy in it especially when he is horny and I'm not (probably am tired or rather fasting); the issue of Sammy always wanting to force me into having sex with him is very disrespectful. I wouldn't say I didn't like it at first (biko which girl doesnt like a little crazy once in a while?). Sex however became my compulsory everyday duty and if I couldn’t deliver he forcefully took it. twas fine by me but as months passed I got hurt feeling like a sex slave each time the saga of him forcefully ploughing me happened. Now would I be wrong to call this consensual rape?last I checked rape meant forcing someone to have sex when they do not want to. In a  more formal sense it is called intimate-partner-sexual-violence.

Intimate partner violence and sexual violence against women are major public health problems and violations of human rights. They result in serious short- and long-term physical, sexual damage to a person… According to some fellas, some girls enjoy being forced with so much violence. This may be true, well probably those ladies have only been with animals in human form who think sex should include pain and that has obviously made them sick because I don’t think any sane lady would be enjoying pain, so please be useful to yourself and society by calling a doctor any time you meet one. Cause when you switch to ladies like me. You only cause hurt and heart break.

Brotherlies, if you so want her to sex you then get her in the mood and if she doesn’t want it please respect her and respect yourself by sleeping on your blue balls or you help yourself out ( u know how u guys do it na). Rape isn’t a good thing especially when it comes from a lover, sex is supposed to be enjoyed by both parties involved. Now you forcing your lover and expecting her to enjoy it along the way is lame and totally dumb, you are just selfish that how I see it.

I have always been wading for the likes of hot structured guys like Sammy, but "I refuse being some hot dude sex slave" is part of the whole relationship thing (I rather be single at least that way I can do naughty with variety) so right now I'm gonna sit back and enjoy my single self until I get a REAL lover who doesn’t behave like an animal...

The AFRO vibe

More and more african ladies are embracing the natural texture of the black woman hair; ditching the relaxer and streching iron and creating fabulous and chic styles with the afro look.
The afro hair styles is known for it's shear voluminous, ultra -curly texture which makes a lot of statement when worn thereby giving it's wearer a bold feeling to naturally display one's poise with so much confidence.

Thou the afro is all about been natural or rather adding the feel of being natural, but really being black with afro and curls are beyond gorgeous and can be a very cool way for enhancing one's glam nature and shows anyone that you comfortable with being black and beautiful.

Thou the afro is the most natural way of wearing curly hair but can be easily become dry if it isn't treated with proper care probably that is why most persons prefer to share in its fabulous style by using extension to mimic the look the stubborn kink offers and yet can still make it standout by adding colour without damaging the hair texture (this totally depends on the individual involved).

Either you rocking the afro vibe naturally or with an extension,  one can testify the feeling one get is different and if haven't tried it you might want because its an incredible way of looking stylish naturally.

style feature

This style made to the style feature for the week because of how she combined each piece, from how she style the hair with the two coloured bandana, the neck accessory down to the Crop off-shoulder top (which is in trend and fashionable) paired with the blue jeans and a statement making heels...

Well what specially caught our attention is her choice of colours; how the colours blended passionately with her skin tone and how she killed her style with confidence which made the whole combo fashionable and chic

SLUTTY With No SHAME

Sitting here, dining with tony and listening to his boring talk of his work and numbers I can't seem to keep track of, I realize that if I don't wanna die of boredom, I better add some spice to this  Thing he calls a date. I look around and see other people doing a good job of minding their business so I let my legs stray over to his and my toes begin to work their magic, ticking his legs from his calf up to his thigh. The stammers punctuating his speech and the uncomfortable smile he gives me urges me on and I move my legs up to his crotch and find a bulge there that seem to be growing bigger every second. He jolts and I try my best to keep the laughter threatening to tear my belly apart in check. I motion for him over the table to move closer, which he does and I whisper in his ear  " Are we gonna get out of here so you can fuck me or are you going to bore me to death?"
Then he gave me that smile that gave all the answers I need to hear.

We abandon our half eaten meal and move on to my place where we do things that will make a hooker blush. He does what I want, how I want it done, whispering into my ear the whole time, asking how good it feels, Dayuuum! Tony sure is a sex god.

Judge me if that warms your bed at night, I'm a mature woman who loves to have fun and her definition of fun includes sex; lots and lots of it and am not ashamed of it. People might turn their noses up at me and tag me a bad person because I hook up with different people, male and female alike, but I think they are wrong. I've been called several names; bitch, slut, and more but I do take them as compliments instead. Actually I think I'm the best kinds of people you can find around because I'm   honest with what I want, unlike people who are too scared to. I'm comfortable with my desires and I make my intentions known like I did with David who kept calling me after our night together. Enjoyable as our night had been I didn't wqnt a relationship. I just wanna satisfy all my wants,  talk dirty, get spanked, go a little CRAZY... I JUST WANNA HAVE FUN.

Yes am a slut and am proud of it. If you have any problem with that, sue me when am in the cemetery!

Complication of my womanhood

My genesis is saddled by the doctrine of my inheritance, engulfed by the innocence of my juvenile, through which procedures and directions where followed to bringing about a righteousness to my path; this is a life which I’m made to represent, and whose insignia is made not to be hidden, but to be a light which people will see and adopt as a pattern of existence. But in the midst of my living, nature took over me, spelling out the fact that I’m also human, which could practice diversification by engaging in the practice of the want for money and sex which I so despised while growing up and never wanting to have a taste of.

 My nakedness keeps erupting as a gloomy light, pretending to fade soon but becoming strong in its pattern of vision, my life might have thought me to becoming the best I can be; keeping my nakedness for him alone, but there’s a lot of weakness in me that keeps erupting out; the consistency in my uprightness, though lingered for a while at my primary growth stages, to the point that I was face to face with my adult hood, never having the imaginations that I could be broken to the point of embracing the nature I boycotted as a woman going after sex like a slut, maybe because it has always been in me, maybe not; this  sudden initiation maybe still a mystery, maybe always denied, still lives in me.

The damaging occurrence of my one night stands never stated a far cry of me and my nature, but a disturbance to the inception of a life that was seen as a dream; thought of as a poison without an antidote, which now makes me ashamed to confront the people I saw as an enemy of my belief while growing up, though a repentance should be sought for, but I’m helpless in adopting it.

 the complications in the sudden era which is now seen as a norm as made abnormalities an order of the day, in which we’ve made a culture out of, which we can’t deny no matter how hard we try, because we see our cohorts imbibe them and make up stories that justify the pursuit of our wants through sex.
Apart from the possibility of these occurrences being the uniqueness of this generation, could it also be due to the dominion of nature over nuture?

Style feature of the week

This week the style that caught our attention is the way this miss killed her combination with the long sleeveless blazer, I can't tell what was going on in her head or what gave her the style inspiration (probably I should have asked her), but I do know it came out fashionable.

The part that amazes me is the combo with the long sleeveless blazer and the see through long sleeve top which came out so on point and stylish. Checking out the way the combo was put together; the makeup, hairdo, how the colours combination was put together, her flat scandals and the confidence that followed, it's clear that her style IQ is good.

This style was featured because she did give us ("us" is me together with the stares that followed) an inspiring way on what to wear with the long sleeveless blazers.
Ps: the boys were crushing on her style too....